Keeping It Real, Keeping It Fun...Am I Worth It?

Growing up with a parent who thought she wasn't ever worth anything made it easy for me to fall into that same trap. It still makes my husband crazy to this day, but it's hard to change that mindset when you've lived your life that way. I think this is also why I tend to hoard stuff or at least buy in bulk for fear of ever running out of some things. It's crazy I know, but it's why I save and save for that “perfect” day to wear something or go somewhere. Is there ever really a perfect time for everything? My sweet little grandma lived so frugally and would never buy things for herself to enjoy, but if she did, she would hide them away for that perfect, special day. The sad part is that she passed away with brand new bras and other delights that she had tucked away for that special day, but it never came and she never got to enjoy those things. Sad but true.

I think it's ok to set goals for yourself in order to keep yourself motivated to reach certain goals, but the goals must be attainable. Real. Reachable. Although I didn't lose 15 pounds in 4 weeks, I've come close and feel like I've made some great strides in my goal to get in shape for the big PHYSIQ Fitness Fashion Show this Saturday. Is 15 pounds in 4 weeks a realistic goal? It can be and when I was training for competition I actually did that and more in a short time frame, but when I'm also struggling to find balance, I know I've got to keep it real. So, I have to laugh as I decided to reward myself and called to make an appointment for a massage for tomorrow and they said, “Do you realize that you've got 8 massages banked now?”. Wow, so it's been several months that I have found myself not worthy of enjoying massages. And quite honestly being too embarrassed to go see my amazing massage therapist with the extra layer of fat I had accumulated since the last time I saw him. Especially when he always delighted in seeing me as a “cadaver” of sorts as he said he could see every muscle, every striation, in my physique. Well, if I've been saving for that perfect day, tomorrow must be it. A tan, a manicure and pedicure with a friend, and a 90 minute massage. Now that sounds like a fantastic reward and a great way to get ready for an exciting fashion show on Saturday! It's the little things that keep you motivated, but you've got to learn to allow yourself to be rewarded.

There's a quote from IFBB Figure Olympia Nicole Wilkins that I love and it goes like this:

Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress. Being a 'work in progress' doesn't mean you're not good enough today, it just means you want a better tomorrow. Keep pushing forward and stay positive.

Thanks Nicole, I needed that!

Moving On...

Years back, after moving here to San Antonio from California, I did a great Bible study called “Moving On After Moving In”. As I sit in the midst of boxes and clutter, I'm chuckling because at this point I'm just trying to move on after accepting the reality that we are in fact moving. I don't function well with clutter and chaos surrounding me, so our house is currently making me crazy as we are boxing up, selling and getting ready to stage our house. I realize that it's hard to get motivated sometimes when you truly love your current environment – neighborhood, house, pool, friends, schools, job, gym, etc. I've come to terms with my denial and have finally accepted that we will be uprooting and moving to the Houston area by the summer. So, please pray that God's timing will bring everything together as we need it to. Preschool ends for Ethan and I on May 17^th and public school ends for Dillon on May 31^st. Then we've got two birthday parties to enjoy as poor Dillon is adamant that he has his party here with all of his friends since he says that when we get to our new house in a new city he won't yet have any friends by the time his June 28^th birthday arrives. So, we'll continue to pray that our home here will sell quickly so that we can get our money back out of this house in order to purchase another one in our new city of choice by the summer so that we can get settled and registered for school since next year we will have a 3^rd grader AND a kindergartner! So, no stress here at all.....LOL.

I'm excited to report that the Physiq Fitness Fashion Show is a little over a week away. As some of you know, I almost pulled out from the show due to my feeling so out of shape and down on myself, but thankfully some really great fitness friends talked me out of bailing and now I'm super excited! I've been working really hard at shedding that lovely layer of fat that was disguising my muscles and feel pretty good. I know I feel a lot better now than I would have if I did bail out of this show as it's going to be so very exciting and there are going to be some awesome opportunities there for me! I just keep reminding myself that my goal this year is balance and that I can't strive to look like a figure competitor for things like a fitness fashion show as it's just not the norm and not even desirable for most fitness photographers. However, it's much easier said than done because once you've been that lean and vascular, you learn to love it! At least I sure did! So, currently I've been trying to get in two cardio sessions each day along with my lifting workouts. And my eating has been super clean aside from a chocolate covered pretzel or two here and there! A girl can only take fish, brown rice and asparagus for so long......! Woot woot, look out Austin, here I come! After Physiq I think I'm setting my sights on an open casting call also in Austin on April 7^th, so that'll give me something else to look forward to and work towards. I've got to keep setting goals. Got to keep moving on because... “The past does not define you, the present does”. Activeinspiration.com