Growing up with a parent who thought she wasn't ever worth anything made it easy for me to fall into that same trap. It still makes my husband crazy to this day, but it's hard to change that mindset when you've lived your life that way. I think this is also why I tend to hoard stuff or at least buy in bulk for fear of ever running out of some things. It's crazy I know, but it's why I save and save for that “perfect” day to wear something or go somewhere. Is there ever really a perfect time for everything? My sweet little grandma lived so frugally and would never buy things for herself to enjoy, but if she did, she would hide them away for that perfect, special day. The sad part is that she passed away with brand new bras and other delights that she had tucked away for that special day, but it never came and she never got to enjoy those things. Sad but true.
I think it's ok to set goals for yourself in order to keep yourself motivated to reach certain goals, but the goals must be attainable. Real. Reachable. Although I didn't lose 15 pounds in 4 weeks, I've come close and feel like I've made some great strides in my goal to get in shape for the big PHYSIQ Fitness Fashion Show this Saturday. Is 15 pounds in 4 weeks a realistic goal? It can be and when I was training for competition I actually did that and more in a short time frame, but when I'm also struggling to find balance, I know I've got to keep it real. So, I have to laugh as I decided to reward myself and called to make an appointment for a massage for tomorrow and they said, “Do you realize that you've got 8 massages banked now?”. Wow, so it's been several months that I have found myself not worthy of enjoying massages. And quite honestly being too embarrassed to go see my amazing massage therapist with the extra layer of fat I had accumulated since the last time I saw him. Especially when he always delighted in seeing me as a “cadaver” of sorts as he said he could see every muscle, every striation, in my physique. Well, if I've been saving for that perfect day, tomorrow must be it. A tan, a manicure and pedicure with a friend, and a 90 minute massage. Now that sounds like a fantastic reward and a great way to get ready for an exciting fashion show on Saturday! It's the little things that keep you motivated, but you've got to learn to allow yourself to be rewarded.
There's a quote from IFBB Figure Olympia Nicole Wilkins that I love and it goes like this:
Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress. Being a 'work in progress' doesn't mean you're not good enough today, it just means you want a better tomorrow. Keep pushing forward and stay positive.
Thanks Nicole, I needed that!