Keeping It Real, Keeping It Fun...Am I Worth It?

Growing up with a parent who thought she wasn't ever worth anything made it easy for me to fall into that same trap. It still makes my husband crazy to this day, but it's hard to change that mindset when you've lived your life that way. I think this is also why I tend to hoard stuff or at least buy in bulk for fear of ever running out of some things. It's crazy I know, but it's why I save and save for that “perfect” day to wear something or go somewhere. Is there ever really a perfect time for everything? My sweet little grandma lived so frugally and would never buy things for herself to enjoy, but if she did, she would hide them away for that perfect, special day. The sad part is that she passed away with brand new bras and other delights that she had tucked away for that special day, but it never came and she never got to enjoy those things. Sad but true.

I think it's ok to set goals for yourself in order to keep yourself motivated to reach certain goals, but the goals must be attainable. Real. Reachable. Although I didn't lose 15 pounds in 4 weeks, I've come close and feel like I've made some great strides in my goal to get in shape for the big PHYSIQ Fitness Fashion Show this Saturday. Is 15 pounds in 4 weeks a realistic goal? It can be and when I was training for competition I actually did that and more in a short time frame, but when I'm also struggling to find balance, I know I've got to keep it real. So, I have to laugh as I decided to reward myself and called to make an appointment for a massage for tomorrow and they said, “Do you realize that you've got 8 massages banked now?”. Wow, so it's been several months that I have found myself not worthy of enjoying massages. And quite honestly being too embarrassed to go see my amazing massage therapist with the extra layer of fat I had accumulated since the last time I saw him. Especially when he always delighted in seeing me as a “cadaver” of sorts as he said he could see every muscle, every striation, in my physique. Well, if I've been saving for that perfect day, tomorrow must be it. A tan, a manicure and pedicure with a friend, and a 90 minute massage. Now that sounds like a fantastic reward and a great way to get ready for an exciting fashion show on Saturday! It's the little things that keep you motivated, but you've got to learn to allow yourself to be rewarded.

There's a quote from IFBB Figure Olympia Nicole Wilkins that I love and it goes like this:

Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress. Being a 'work in progress' doesn't mean you're not good enough today, it just means you want a better tomorrow. Keep pushing forward and stay positive.

Thanks Nicole, I needed that!

Moving On...

Years back, after moving here to San Antonio from California, I did a great Bible study called “Moving On After Moving In”. As I sit in the midst of boxes and clutter, I'm chuckling because at this point I'm just trying to move on after accepting the reality that we are in fact moving. I don't function well with clutter and chaos surrounding me, so our house is currently making me crazy as we are boxing up, selling and getting ready to stage our house. I realize that it's hard to get motivated sometimes when you truly love your current environment – neighborhood, house, pool, friends, schools, job, gym, etc. I've come to terms with my denial and have finally accepted that we will be uprooting and moving to the Houston area by the summer. So, please pray that God's timing will bring everything together as we need it to. Preschool ends for Ethan and I on May 17^th and public school ends for Dillon on May 31^st. Then we've got two birthday parties to enjoy as poor Dillon is adamant that he has his party here with all of his friends since he says that when we get to our new house in a new city he won't yet have any friends by the time his June 28^th birthday arrives. So, we'll continue to pray that our home here will sell quickly so that we can get our money back out of this house in order to purchase another one in our new city of choice by the summer so that we can get settled and registered for school since next year we will have a 3^rd grader AND a kindergartner! So, no stress here at all.....LOL.

I'm excited to report that the Physiq Fitness Fashion Show is a little over a week away. As some of you know, I almost pulled out from the show due to my feeling so out of shape and down on myself, but thankfully some really great fitness friends talked me out of bailing and now I'm super excited! I've been working really hard at shedding that lovely layer of fat that was disguising my muscles and feel pretty good. I know I feel a lot better now than I would have if I did bail out of this show as it's going to be so very exciting and there are going to be some awesome opportunities there for me! I just keep reminding myself that my goal this year is balance and that I can't strive to look like a figure competitor for things like a fitness fashion show as it's just not the norm and not even desirable for most fitness photographers. However, it's much easier said than done because once you've been that lean and vascular, you learn to love it! At least I sure did! So, currently I've been trying to get in two cardio sessions each day along with my lifting workouts. And my eating has been super clean aside from a chocolate covered pretzel or two here and there! A girl can only take fish, brown rice and asparagus for so long......! Woot woot, look out Austin, here I come! After Physiq I think I'm setting my sights on an open casting call also in Austin on April 7^th, so that'll give me something else to look forward to and work towards. I've got to keep setting goals. Got to keep moving on because... “The past does not define you, the present does”. Activeinspiration.com

Excuses

Ok, so the awesome quote that I'm dying to share is, “One who wants something will find a way, one who doesn't will find an excuse”. And with that said, I'm not trying to make excuses, but I am so sorry for my lack of posts. I'll go ahead and throw my excuse out there...we've had a house full of family here for the past few days. Seven members of my husband's family came out from CA to visit us and they all stayed with us. We had eleven people in our house!! And to my surprise it went great and with no drama. Yay! It was a wonderful visit and one that showed me how amazing and important it is to have a tight family with a very strong faith in the Lord.

If anyone is wondering how my training and diet are going, I'm excited to say “great!”. I met with an awesome friend who is also a personal trainer last weekend and that time together, along with a new work out, was exactly what I needed to light the fire in my spirit once again. So, I went from considering bowing out of the big fitness fashion show last Friday night to a renewed energy and excitement to bring my A game to the show instead! So, my diet has been squeaky clean since Saturday morning, I'm back to two cardio sessions every day and I started my new work outs on Monday and am sore and loving it! Going forward, I promise to ditch my excuses and find a way to make my dreams happen, one day at a time.

Burn Baby Burn

Again, here I am singing and being inspired to write because of a song! Whatever works, right?! I'm sitting here laughing because I just finished yet another load of laundry. But this load of laundry is extra special because in it are my “fat pants” that I have chosen to wear and feel comfortable in for the past two months or so. I admit that they are not the most flattering things I could choose to wear, but I currently and unfortunately don't find anything flattering about the body I am sporting and just can't get myself to don any of my super cute workout wear. Even though I have two brand new pair of work out shoes that Santa brought that are still sitting in my closet waiting until I feel “cute enough” to sport with my hip workout clothes. Anyway, I am laughing as I fold my fat pants (yet again since I have only one pair and must wash them often!) and sing the old Bee Gees song Disco Inferno because really the only part of the lyrics that I recall are “burn, baby, burn”! I can't tell you how many times over the past couple of months my wonderfully sweet friends have threatened to steal my fat pants and burn them. And I had to chuckle a couple weekends ago when my family went ice skating and I came out of my room wearing a pair of jeans and my husband said, “Thank God you ditched the fat pants for a few hours!”. Are they really that bad y'all?! LOL. Yep, I can see all of you nodding your heads and saying “now that you mention it, I do hate those pants!”. It's all good.  Am I going to have to start hiding my beloved pants for fear that they may mysteriously disappear?!

On a more serious note, let's talk about burning fat. I'm frequently asked if given the choice between cardio and lifting weights, which would I choose. I have to tell you it will almost always be lifting. Of course the perfect case scenario would be to do both: fasted cardio right when I wake up in the morning followed by a weight lifting program at the gym and if time allows, a second medium intensity cardio session. But if I was short on time and had to pick one, it would be lifting. Not only do I love lifting weights because of the amazing visible transformations that can be seen in my physique, but building lean muscle mass is truly the foundation of successful fat burning. Did you know that muscle revs up your metabolism? Did you know that muscle even burns fat while you are sleeping? How cool is that?! Here's a quote from Wayne Westcott, Ph.D., director of research at the South Shore YMCA in Quincy, Massachusetts, "For every 3 pounds of muscle you build you'll burn an extra 120 calories a day -- just vegging -- because muscle takes more energy to sustain”. Over the course of a year, that's about 10 pounds of fat -- without even changing your diet. Yes, please. I'm sure everyone who has met with a personal trainer at the gym has been shown the two huge rubbery blobs, one representing fat and the other representing muscle. They both weigh the same, but the muscle blob is much smaller. So, when and if you start a weight lifting program and you don't see actual weight loss on the scale, do not be discouraged. Muscle weighs more than fat. Think of it this way...It takes up less space in your jeans! LOL. Happy lifting!

Choices

So I had to stop and laugh last week as I was wishing Dillon a great day at school and telling him to “make good choices today, ok buddy?”. Am I a good example of making good choices? Do I heed my own advice? If I expect my seven year old to make good choices, then why shouldn't I expect myself to also make good choices? It's so easy to blame others when we don't make good choices. Several weeks ago I found myself whining to a male friend at the gym about how my hubby makes it so very hard for me when he constantly wants and asks for non-healthy foods and snacks and when he chooses not to come to the gym with me. Ever. He put me in my place by saying, “Oh come on, my wife has never set foot in this place and I work here and work out here! That's no excuse!”. So true. And even though my hubby makes my healthy choices a tad more difficult for me, I should still respect his “choices” even though they aren't exactly what I'd wish for. It's definitely not easy, but it's still my choice to rise above or succumb to my surroundings.

Here is something from a friend's fb page that hit home for me this week (yes, that's you Robert!): " You are the ANSWER. No matter what is going on around you, that which is in you determines how far you go. I personally don't engage in activities in which I can blame anyone or anything but myself. I realize I was born with the ability to choose what I think, how I act, the way I treat others, and my attitude. Take a long look at yourself, determine what you want your life to be and just go get it". RDP

Find Your Center

Put God in the center and everything else will come together.

I got that from a little business card that someone gave me years ago and I've had it pinned on my motivational bulletin board ever since. It's made me think a lot lately. Last June when I started my venture into training for a figure competition, one of the first things I did was I pulled out this Daily Devotional for Dieters Journal that I had purchased many years ago. I had started it once (in pencil of course), but got off track and forgot about it for so long that I eventually went back and erased all of my journaling and told myself that one day in the future when I was ready to take my diet more seriously I would rely on the devotional and use it to its fullest. Well last June I was finally in the right frame of mind to take my diet and exercise routine more seriously and to the next level, so it only made sense that I would pull out and rely daily on my devotional. It became part of my 5am routine. I woke up, put on my exercise clothes, brushed my teeth and headed to “mom's room”. Before I would jump on the elliptical or check my email on my phone, I would always first open my devotional and read the scripture and story for the day. Then I felt ready to hop on the elliptical where I could spend time thinking about what I had read and ponder how it related to me and my current situation. I would end my 45-60 minute cardio session with quiet prayer time and then write my thoughts in my devotional. It was a beautiful start to each day and always put me in the right frame of mind to help me get through another day. When you are training for the stage, some days are much harder than others. I recall some days waking up and feeling happy and full of energy. I also recall some days where I would “hit a wall” by about 10am where my legs would feel like heavy logs, but I knew I had to get through my work outs and through my crazy cooking sessions because there were weeks at a time where I ate tilapia, asparagus and brown rice for 5 of my 6 meals in a day!  Or Tuesdays and Thursdays when I would be teaching preschool and would agonize over the fact that I had to walk up the stairs with those logs to go and use the restroom.  And some days that I would actually be in my pajamas by 4pm and sitting on the couch marveling at the fact that I was sitting and not “doing” (Most of you that know me know that I cannot sit still or even stand still for more than two minutes! Yes, adult ADD!). As I reflect on those times, I know that I got through each day because I started my day with God first and in the center of my world. So, when my November competition fell through, I slumped into a funk and I let everything go. Not just my diet, but my morning God time. And you know, without putting God in the center of my world, my world seemed to fall apart around me so that the only thing left in the center was me. And that's a lonely and depressing place to be. So, along with my healthy resolutions that I started on January 1^st, I also put God back in the center of my world and we start off each morning together once again. And my journal that was well used from June through October has started a new page on January 1^st. Each day is new and different, easy or hard, fun or depressing, willpower or a lack of. But I know that with God all things are possible and that life is a giant circle. And when we put God in the center, everything else will come together.

Believe

So, I stepped on the scale this morning not anticipating magic (like 5 pounds overnight, LOL!), but I was totally and completely discouraged and disappointed to see the same exact number staring back at me. And yea, yea, I know muscle weighs more than fat, but really?! Not even 1/2 a pound?! I gathered some “I'm not gonna let this get me down” attitude and busted a sweat through my morning cardio session anyway. Had some yummy scrambled egg beaters with my brown rice (which I have cut down from ½ cup to 1/3 cup in hopes of seeing some progress) and ½ of a grapefruit. I told myself that I just had to keep going and not give up even though I really felt like it. So I got me and my big booty to the gym and instantly began sulking as I walked by the new poster hanging in the window of the Spinning room that read “I Can See the Finish Line”. All I could think to myself is what freaking finish line? What light at the end of the tunnel? My scale has not moved since last Friday. Do I really have it in me to revisit my diet already and make it more strict or to add in a second cardio session this early in? Then I prayed that God would give me the strength to get through my work out and as I looked up God sent me a very clear message, printed on the front of some random woman's shirt, one word...BELIEVE.